For this share the video above is different than this here’s the audio to the written portion. But they fit together for sure.
I had this thought in the shower last Friday “I don’t know where I am going but I know how to get there” and something shifted in me.
It came right after making up a new prayer which I spoke aloud to God and my Highest Self.
So to take you back a bit into my inner experience of life lately.
I would say in general January through April I experienced time and energy in a new way. Where I was truly trusting myself and my flow and allowing my work to move as it wished for the most part. There was a bit of chaos energy to it where at times I was like a pinball machine but one with purpose. It was fun and exciting and so fulfilling overall. And I experienced myself trusting mySELF. And Deeper than ever before. And yeah it was super yummy whenever I was in that flow which was often.
Then I got this new inspiration late April which was so awesome and exciting and with it in my excitement I gave myself a timeline.
my inner dialog went like this..
“Ok Gina this week you paint and record the process of making that painting for the background of the new “Set” space you just created for recording-Also great job on that, speedy work making the “set” space it looks awesome.
So let’s put this down in a trusty to do list.
-week one make painting with underlayers of words to go with intro to video record process, and have it become the finished painting, (I don’t know what the finished painting will be but it will come just get on this and maybe just hearts and music notes is all you need for that…) Just get that painting made.
-week two make those recordings into video intro, make playlists, record 10-12 videos in front of new background.
-Week three, edit and upload these to youtube
-continue process.
And then here’s where it all seems to start to fall apart.
EVERYTHING Took LONGER! SO much longer.
So I just looked back to see when my big idea dropped in for me. Here’s the article from that Gorgeous April 27th day. That’s when the new idea came. So it’s been a Month since then.
I think what happened Is I my ME tried to take over with that to do list and timing. It was So well intentioned. Yet it subtly told my SELF that I am now going to DO, to make it happen and in a way my small self took the wheel or at least kept trying to grab a hold of it. Yes that more I think, trying to grab hold of it. And when we didn’t make it to those to do list destinations on time my small self starting talking shit under her breath to herself.
Slowly eroding my confidence with each little mumble of not enoughness. Each time I judged my energy my process my way of being and most of all my lack of “acceptable” accomplishments, meaning my LACK of meeting my to do lists timing that I had written out.
Many of my last posts in the daily shares and the free newsletters have this energy of the tension of time and getting More stuff done within time and my inner struggle around that within them.
On my wall in my studio where my “set” will be for these planned videos is a not done yet painting. The one for my intro and my background. I have the underlayers done and the intro voice over recorded and loads of video to pull little bits from for that general intro but the painting itself for the background is not done.
And my energy has tanked lately, especially last week I was really in the thick of it where getting things done has been needing much more effort and force. And I think it’s a few things at play.
The main one though I think is the tension and mistrust that has surfaced through all my inner judgement of myself for being BEHIND on my plan. And the other Really big thing is in the video above.
And I think with each of those judgements its like I have been placing sticks in the flow of my energy damming up that beautiful current that was flowing so well for me before. Before when I was working without any set to do lists. I was back when all was moving so great doing a new form of to do lists. Let me see if I can find a picture on my phone from the type of “Could Do” lists that was really working for me, just a sec here
This is the type of list I am returning to now. This type is the one I like and was so working for me. More on this in the video I’ve been doing plenty of work Making peace with the timing of things Over and Over again this last few month
Monday I had a good shift in me back into trust and my day went not at all “according to plan,” but better in a way. This video above I recorded without planning to and it just flowed with grace and ease. And even tonight when I went to edit it. It was fast and easy. I wrote a cool ass post last Friday after that clarity in the shower before that that I will be sharing at some future point coming up.
Things Started Flowing again
Things got especially clear this week right before filming this video above.
I go into the BIG MAIN lesson I received in the video above so have a watch.
One more thing. Here’s the Ecstatic Dance Mix I made from this past Saturdays Kirtan and Ecstatic Dance that was at Perennial yoga in Fitchburg.
It was super Fun. I made a brave move in the middle of this mix with one Bold song that had me giggling and even a little embarrassment. The Awesome the song I choose to do that with well the lyrics fit perfectly with my act of putting it in.
Enjoy the music,
Sending Love to you!
Be well
💖-Gina
